


Endings (and Beginnings)

by toomucherin



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-22 04:30:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7419808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomucherin/pseuds/toomucherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas makes a decision. Someone gets hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lucas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @perksofbeingabooknerd, @LucyLikesToWrite, and @Nuttynicole11 for looking this over and offering some edits before I posted!

Lucas had asked me to coffee, and I wasn’t really sure how to interpret it. He said it was “to talk” and at this point, that could literally mean… anything. He, Maya, and I had been skirting around the issue of our… situation… for months. “Hey, we both like the same boy and he likes both of us, let’s just… ignore that problem and maybe it will go away!” turns out to not actually be that effective or helpful. But it seemed easier than the messy alternative. Where someone gets hurt.

 

Maybe that’s the point though. Someone always gets hurt.

 

My stomach was twisted up in knots while I waited just inside the Starbucks for Lucas to show up. I specifically made sure we were nowhere close to our normal spots, far away from the familiar walls of Topanga’s, because my gut told me this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with a knowing audience. I awkwardly kept opening and closing the same few apps on my phone to keep my hands busy while I waited for him to arrive.

 

“Riley.”

 

“Lucas! Hey, hi!  ...um. Hi.” I slid my phone into my back pocket and suddenly had no idea what to do with my hands. “Should we…” I gestured towards the short line for the register.

 

“Yeah, let’s do that,” he responded, motioning for me to go ahead of him.

 

An awkward tension hung over us as we moved into the line. That space when you know you’re about to start a hard conversation, but have to wait to get settled first. As I went up to the counter to order, I made sure I already had cash pulled out of my wallet before Lucas could stop me. The barista was handing me my change before he noticed.

 

“Oh, I was going to, I would have--”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Lucas, it’s not like this is a date.”

 

He rubbed his neck before offering me a weak smile. “Yeah, right.”

 

So it’s not a date. Right. Okay then. The weight in my throat settled lower in my stomach as the significance of his agreement settled in. We didn’t say anything more until we’d both slid into a table in the back corner of the coffee shop.

 

“So,” he began, not quite looking me in the eye.

 

“So….” I trailed off, waiting for him to continue.

 

“So.”

 

Another awkward beat. We both took a sip of our drinks. This was going well.

 

When I thought the silence might actually suffocate me, I finally blurted out, “Lucas, you’re the one who asked me here. I think you have to be the one to start.”

 

That made him look me in the eye. Which made my breath hitch in my throat, and I wanted nothing more than to look away. But I made myself hold his gaze.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he finally let out. I could already feel my face scrunching up, and I tried to keep my breathing as slow and steady as I could to counter the racing of my heart and the increasing weight in my stomach.

 

“I know you don’t, Lucas. Of course I know that.”

 

“I really, really care about you Riley. I do. You are one of the most important people in my life. I can’t imagine you not being in it.”

 

“But I’m not the _most_ important person.” I could see his face darken at the words, and he broke my gaze again.

 

“I wouldn’t phrase it like that,” he muttered.

 

“It’s okay Lucas, I promise. Just. Please just say what you came here to say.” I was forcing a smile, hoping it was coming across as genuine instead of pained, but I couldn’t be sure.

 

“The last thing I want is for you to think you’re not important to me. You were my first friend here, you listen to me, you believe in me, you make me think I could be a better person. You’re an amazing friend, Riley. Everyone needs a friend like you in their life.” I could tell there was a but coming, and I didn’t really trust my voice at the moment, so I just gave him a slight nod to continue. “I don’t- I just--” He let out a heavy breath. “After thinking about it a lot, Riley... I don’t think I think of you... romantically.”

 

I could feel the frown forming on my face as I stared at a crack in the table top. I distracted myself by pressing my thumb nails into my fingertips while trying to figure out how to respond.

 

“Riley, are you okay?”

 

I really wanted to reply with a jab, a joke, anything to lighten the mood and make me seem less affected than I was. (Maya would have been able to reply with a joke.) But as I tried to form a smile, I felt it breaking and my brows furrowing. My eye roll was interrupted with tears spilling from the ducts, as I finally got out, “Of course I’m not _okay_.”

 

“Riley,” he started, as he reached out for my arm. I jerked back immediately.

 

“Lucas, stop, really.”

 

“You’re hurting, and I feel bad.”

 

“That’s how this works. I get to feel bad, and you don’t get to fix it.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Thank you for telling me.”

 

“I haven’t talked to Maya yet.”

 

“Okay…” I looked back to him and offered a questioning look.

 

“It was important for me to tell you first,” he continued. “I feel like I owe you that. And the right to ask me not to.” My jaw mentally dropped at his last words, and I took another centering breath before responding.

 

“Lucas, I’m not going to ask you to not ask Maya out.” I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or angry he was even asking me. “I can’t do that. I wouldn’t do that.”

 

“So you’re okay with it?” He had a hopeful gleam in his eye with the question.

 

“That’s not what I said.” It was getting harder to look him straight in the eye and I was starting to get a headache. Too much of my energy was being spent on not crying.

 

“Okay…” It was his turn to offer me questioning looks, and I realized I was going to have to actually spell it out for him.

 

“Maya is my best friend in the entire world, I want nothing more than her happiness. And I want _you_ to be happy.” I was able to lift my eyes back to his and offer a sad smile before continuing. “But I’m still allowed to not be okay. _That’s_ what I’m owed.”

 

“Are we-- can we still be friends?” He had a pained look in his face, and I found it was my turn to refrain from reaching out to comfort him. “Riley, I can’t imagine losing your friendship.”

 

“Lucas… I--” I hesitated, not sure how to continue. His words resonated with my deepest fears ever since we realized the three of us were in this mess. “I don’t want to lose our friendship either.” I managed to get out as I squeezed my eyes tightly, my leg shaking, as I willed myself not to cry, though I could feel the hot tears beginning to spill down my cheeks.

 

“Riley…” I knew it was hurting him to see me hurting, and I rushed to respond before he could try to comfort me again.

 

“I’m going to need a little bit of time.”

 

“Whatever you need, Riley.”

 

A silence hung over us, neither quite sure where to go from here. When it became clear he wasn’t going to leave with an invitation, I started again.

 

“Lucas, I--” I took a deep breath, focusing on what I needed to say. “I’m glad you asked me here, I’m glad you told me first, but I really need you to leave now.” I was trying to be polite, but I could tell it still stung.

 

“Oh, yeah, um… of course. Yeah.” I didn’t look up as I heard him push his chair back and rise from the table. I slowly counted to 10, 20, 30 in my head before I finally chanced a glance up again, just in time to watch him push open the door of the coffee shop. He hesitated for a second before walking through the opening, his shoulders slumping before he continued onto the busy street.

 

As I watched him walk away, the tears finally began to flow freely down my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write fic that often, so feedback is very much appreciated, hah. I'm insecure, please love me. 
> 
> I have plans to write a scene with Maya and a scene with Farkle.


	2. Maya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to @nuttynicole11 and @weasleymama for their very helpful edits as I worked and reworked this chapter.

It felt weird that I hadn’t gone to Maya yet. I didn’t call her when I went into the Starbucks bathroom to wash off my face but instead ended up sobbing again. I also didn’t call her when I finally headed back home, or when I was safe in the bay window again.

 

Any other situation, any other boy, and I would have called her the moment he walked away. This was different though. This involved her - affected her - and Lucas hadn’t talked to her yet.  So I didn’t call. I went home to an empty room, curled up in my empty bed, and cried myself to sleep.

 

I woke the next morning to the sun streaming in through the bay window onto my bed. I let myself playback yesterday’s events as I nuzzled deeper into the pillows. Thinking over it in the light of a new day, I wasn’t sure if I felt better exactly, but I didn’t feel like crying at least… it was a start.

 

It was mid-afternoon when my window opened. “How ya doin’, Honey?” she asked as she slid next to me on the bay window.

 

I put my book down and smiled. “Peaches.” I let out a heavy sigh as she quickly enveloped me in a hug. I enjoyed the simplicity of her arms wrapped around me for a moment before turning to look at her face. “Hi.”

 

“Hey.”

 

There was an uncomfortable pause as we shared a look of understanding. We both knew the other already knew but were unsure how to begin. Deciding to take the bullet, I set a smile on my face, determined to be happy.

 

“I have reason to suspect you have something exciting to tell me.”

 

“Riles…” Her face clouded slightly at my words.

 

“Mayaaaa,” I sing-songed back.

 

“Honey, are you really okay?” The genuine concern in her eyes made my smile begin to falter.

 

I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands. “Not really…” I shrugged. “But I’d like to be happy first. Can we be happy first?” I asked, looking back up to her.

 

“You’re happy?”

 

“For you, peaches? Always.” I grabbed her hands in mine. “Ring power?”

 

“Ring power,” she answered, gripping my hands tightly in return.

 

“Sooooo….”

 

“So, the boy I like likes me back.”

 

“I knoooooow. Are you excited?”

 

“More… nervous than anything, really?” The frown on her face caught me off guard, and I immediately dropped my playful vibe.

 

“Peaches, why?”

 

“I screw things up, Riley.” Her tone was softer than before. “What if I screw this up? I’m _going_ to screw this up.”

 

“Don’t you think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself?”

 

“Am I?” Doubt filled her eyes, and I immediately pulled her into a tight hug.

 

“Maya. You deserve good things. This is a good thing.” I whispered into her ear. “This is _your_ good thing.”

 

“I could get hurt.”

 

“I think that’s how this works... anything worth having involves some risk and vulnerability.”

 

“You sound like your father,” she said, rolling her eyes.

 

“I happen to have a very wise father.”

 

“True…” She trailed off, lost in thought.

 

“Peaches?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“Yeah, I think I am.”

 

“Good.”

 

We sat for a moment in a peaceful silence before Maya turned back to me. “Your turn?”

 

I scrunched up my nose a little, wishing we could avoid it for a bit longer.

 

“Riley, seriously. How are you doing?” I offered her a weak shrug as her eyes bore into me.

 

“The boy I like doesn’t like me back,” I managed to get out, breaking her gaze to turn back to my hands. I focused on watching my fingertips blanch and pink up again, as I methodically pinched each one, hoping it would keep me from completely losing it.

 

"I know, honey." I felt her give my leg a reassuring squeeze.  "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

I did, but I didn't. I was struggling to find words for what I was feeling, a knot of emotions rising in my chest that I couldn’t quite untangle. Maya moved in closer, wrapping her other arm around me.

 

"Riles, talk to me," she whispered.

 

I tried to say something, anything. But when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I felt hot tears spill down my face as everything raced through my mind. Why did he choose her over me? Why didn’t he feel the way I felt about him? If I was too much for him would I be too much for everyone? Why did I ever think I stood a chance next to her? Were love and romance really just a fantasy?

 

But I couldn’t say any of this out loud, especially not to Maya. Not only was I hurting but for the first time I felt like I couldn’t be completely honest with my best friend about it. So instead of speaking, I just cried while she hugged me and slowly rubbed my back. Heavy, ugly, ragged tears shook my whole body until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

 

When my tears finally started to slow, I felt the familiar shame that follows most of my emotional breakdowns start to creep in. “I’m sorry, Maya, this is so pathetic.” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes.

 

“Riles, _no_ , it is not.” She turned my head towards her, forcing me to look her straight in the eyes. “You are **not** pathetic. Don’t ever feel bad for how strongly you feel things, Riley, it’s one of the most wonderful things about you.” I could feel myself tearing up again at her words.

 

“Really?”

 

“Really. You make me believe it’s okay to feel things. I need that. I need you.”

 

“I need you too, Peaches.”

 

“I know you do, Honey.” She was teasing me now, a gleam in her eyes, and I was surprised by how relieved it made me feel. We relaxed into a comfortable silence, both leaning slightly on the other, lost in our own thoughts for several minutes.

 

“I’m sorry I’m sad because you’re happy,” I said.

 

“I’m sorry I’m happy because you’re sad,” she replied.

 

“This doesn’t change us?”

 

“Nothing ever changes us.”

 

“Good,” I said, reaching to give her hand a squeeze. “Thunder?”

 

“Lightning.” I felt her squeeze my hand back. “Do you want to talk about it anymore?”

 

“I think I just want to sit here for a while... knowing you’re right next to me.”

 

“That happens to be one of my favorite things to do,” she smiled and we shifted naturally so I could lay my head in her lap.

  
As I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling of her fingers running through my hair, I knew that even if I wasn’t okay yet, I would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene between the two girls is honestly the entire motivation for writing this fic, so I really hope you like it. 
> 
> Someone had asked me about timing of this with canon, and honestly I think it's definitely somewhere a little more emotionally mature than the two girls are right now, but this is how I *wish* things could have gone around the time of Girl Meets Triangle instead of the identity crisis and fall out happening now... but I also think neither girl is quite in this place yet. I wish they were though. 
> 
> If you're curious, a lot of this pulls from situations in my own life where me and my best friend(s) have both liked the same guy, had the same guy like both of us, one even married the guy, and yet through it all our friendship never faltered. 
> 
> The last chapter, which I said I'm planning to be one with Farkle, is the least formed in my mind, so no promises on if/when that will go up, as I'm still waffling on what direction I want it to go... but in theory I should have it up at some point. However, I hope that this current ending is resolved enough for you to have some peace :)


End file.
